For five-year-old Grace

Oh, the Places You’ll Go, Grace!

Gracefully accept every challenge that comes your way, dear
Rest assured that God and your family will always be there
As long as you remain the humble, hardworking, helpful Champion that I’ve known
Challenges will be nothing compared to the strength of your faith and conviction
Ever be the special girl with a sweet smile and lasting friendship to offer.

That’s how I will always remember you, Grace. May God be with you, wherever your wings take you!
MLJ/26/06/2018

What’s that again?

K Teacher: When you come back next year, it’s 2018! You’ll be older… and I’ll be younger.
Silence… then smiling faces. The teacher waited for the most courageous child to start.
Child #1: No, you’ll be older!
K Teacher: Waah! That’s not nice to say to your teacher.
Child #2: Then you’ll be older and older until you’re a hundred years old.
Child #3: Then you’ll die!
K Teacher: Then I’ll go to heaven!
Child #4: And you’ll see God and the angels?
All little mouths agape now…
K Teacher: Of course! (In her mind: Now, who wants to die with me?)
Silence again… The kids looked at one another, either believing their teacher or thinking she’s nuts. LOL.
Jamison/12/15/2017

What’s that again?
The boys in a Kindergarten class saw the CD cover photo of Mariah Carey, and their jaws dropped.
Boy #1: That’s my Mom!
Boy #2: That’s my wife!
Boy #3: That’s my girl!
Teacher: Boy, oh, boy! Are you guys 15 or 5 years old?
Silence… The boys were probably wondering why the teacher suddenly forgot how old they were.


Some kids in one class misbehaved during the school mass. Now they’re back in their classroom.
Teacher: Boys and girls, I feel really, really sad today about your behaviour during the mass. I just want to cry.
One child: Adults don’t cry!
Waah!

Teacher: If you’re not listening, I’m going to tell your Mom.
Child: You don’t know my Mom.
Teacher: Oh, yes, I do! (lying, coz she can’t really recall the mom's name) You know, my Mom’s name is Merlinda.
Child: My Mom’s name is Melissa.
Teacher: See! I told you I know your Mom’s name… Should I talk to Melissa today?
Jaws dropped!

Some Kindergarten kids color with pencils, either because they don’t like using crayons or seeing colors or they’re just being lazy to switch to crayons.
Teacher: Why are you coloring your pumpkins with a pencil? Now you’ve got black pumpkins! I want to see orange pumpkins!
Child: That’s because they’re already rotten!
Whaaat?

After seven years, a teacher visits her former school and finds her former grade 2 student, Kim, now 14 and towering over her with her high heels, skimpy tight-fitting dress, heavy make-up, fake lashes and dangling earrings. She’s also chewing gum and wearing heavy perfume… Kim stoops over and gave her former teacher a gentle hug.
Kim: Miss J! How are you?
Miss J: I’m all right. How are you doing?
Kim: I’m good, going to grade 9.
Miss J: Whatever happened to my sweet and simple Kim who had nothing but natural beauty?
Kim: Aw, Miss J, you’re so old school!
Who’s old school?
Jamison/12/01/2017

Misheard English

In a Kindergarten class:

Teacher: Please say present if your name is called, or absent if your friend’s name is called and he or she is not here. Can you say the word present?
Children: Present.
Teacher: Absent.
Children: Absent.
Teacher: Alexandra.
Alexandra: Present.
Teacher: Martin.
Martin: Present.
Teacher: Samantha.
Child: Upset.
Teacher: Pardon me?
Child: She’s upset.
Teacher: Why is she upset? Where is she?
Child: She’s not here. She’s upset.
Yikes!
24 March 2017

Fun Snacks

M. is six, and she loves art and craft. She will start drawing, painting, etc. after school instead of sitting down for snacks. Before the first snowfall of fall(!), we picked all the cherry tomatoes in our garden. Surely M. couldn't be stopped. She did her artwork before gobbling it up.

2.5 Casualties (On Raising Painted Lady Butterflies)

Many years ago, I thought about raising butterflies when I retire after visiting the butterfly garden in Quezon City, Philippines. Back then, it never occurred to me that I’d be involved in Montessori education and would be showing metamorphosis right in the classroom. This spring, management was anxious about ordering Painted Lady butterfly larvae kits from Butterfly Wings n’ Wishes in Edmonton, Alberta, but went ahead anyway. I was told that last year’s project failed as the caterpillars ate each other over the weekend. Being aware of survival of the fittest among our tiny friends, I thought that it wouldn’t be repeated. I just had to make sure that “the very hungry” caterpillars will have a lot to munch. 

When our kit arrived and their temporary home, a fish tank, was washed with vinegar, the children watched intently as I moved each of the 19 caterpillars into their individual cups using the paintbrush included in the kit. It was one of those Science times when they could focus and not make a sound. Each larva was then supplied with a bit of the artificial food that had to be refrigerated. The tank then provided the beginning of all the wonders the children would experience for weeks before leaving their Kindergarten classroom. As nature unfolded before their eyes each day, they watched in amazement and said, “Awesome!” 

After reading Eric Carle’s “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” and making their own hungry caterpillar book, the children took note of how much the larvae had eaten and grown each day. But as the weekend was coming and our supply of artificial food was at low level, I thought that I should execute Plan B: to purchase natural foods such as hollyhocks. I frantically made calls to nearby gardens to inquire if they had a supply of hollyhocks and luckily, I was able to escape from the classroom and pick up two pots for two caterpillars (the largest and the smallest). I thought that at the rate they were eating and growing, one block of artificial food (the size of sugar cubes) in two days or one big hollyhock leaf in a day, all the big leaves in each pot would be gone in six days! I prayed therefore that they turned into pupae (chrysalises) soon. 

As the caterpillars hatched from their eggs at different times and were therefore of varying sizes, the large ones entered the pupa stage early. The children observed how silk was forming in the cups, they called “spider webs,” and waited for the time for each caterpillar to hang in a J shape from the cup’s lid or from the hollyhock, as in the case of the two caterpillars that were on the plants. As most of the larvae were turning into chrysalises, the children then marked the calendar and anticipated what they called “hatching” after 7 to 10 days. They were beaming with excitement as they talked about the possibility of this happening in their classroom. In the meantime, my Job #2 was to build houses for 19 butterflies as I didn’t want 28 children crowding over one house at a time. Frantically again, I drove from one Dollar Store to another to look for the right kind of nets. One net I got was a yellow laundry mesh bag which had very tiny holes and wouldn’t allow a clear view of the butterflies; the other was a green one for the garden. Coincidentally, my landlord chopped down three trees in the yard so I asked for some branches for my butterfly house. 

While the caterpillars were turning into chrysalises one by one, I built one house with the mesh bag by using round aluminum trays for the top and bottom frames and hanging it from the ceiling. 

The other took hours to build as I had to use the branches as poles and wrap the green net around it, not knowing that the holes were large enough for the butterflies to go through and create hide-and-seek episodes with the children later. Once the houses were done, the chrysalises were transferred. The children now had more room to move about and observe every day. Whenever a chrysalis fell, children would report it immediately for they knew that it was “a accident” and that it was time for my “magic glue” to do the job. The smallest caterpillar, and therefore the last to turn into a chrysalis, also fell and had to be glued back to a lid. I must have made a mistake though as no butterfly came out even after 20 days. I think I glued the wrong end! The following Monday, the children scampered and yelled, “They’ve hatched! They’ve hatched!" after they had checked the houses. True enough, there were several that had completed their metamorphosis. (By this time, the children could pronounce every syllable of the word.) This then brought me to Job #3: making artificial food or getting natural foods.

Artificial food was 4 parts water and 1 part sugar and red food colouring, which had to be refrigerated too. Paper towels were soaked in this mixture and placed in each house. As the butterflies landed on the wet towels, however, their feet turned red and the children started arguing whether it was blood or food colouring! Overripe fruits were also served when available. I made another trip to the garden to look for hollyhocks with blooms in order to serve natural food but in vain. The staff must have thought me nuts for thinking about blooming hollyhocks early in the spring! 

Over the following weeks, the children looked forward to coming to class each day and spending some time by the houses. They would check the temperature to see if it was warm enough (+20C) for the butterflies to be released. They would also report how many butterflies made it through the net holes and watched as I lifted them by clipping their wings with my forefinger and middle finger. They would chase the butterflies that usually settled by the glass windows and try to touch them. As the days got warmer, the children released batches of butterflies in the garden and watched them warm up their wings before finally flying high to cross the fence and enjoy the neighbour’s lush garden.

Although this project resulted in what I call 2.5 casualties (one butterfly was found dead in one house, another was poked by one child, and one chrysalis failed to get into the next stage), the children had more than three weeks of witnessing metamorphosis and two weeks of being in the midst of the beautiful Painted Lady butterflies. Now I’ve realized I didn’t have to wait for retirement to realize my dream of raising butterflies. It’ll be a dream come true every spring in my classroom. For the children, it was a rare experience they will probably remember every spring. I hope they continue to marvel at nature's wonders all the days of their lives. As Robert Fulghum says in his poem "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten": "Be aware of wonder." Jamison/16/06/2012

Just kiddin' kindergartners

At four years old:

Edison trips and scrapes his hand. The teacher consoles him and says, “It’s all right, Edison. We’ll just wash it and you’ll see that it’s all right.” “No!” cries Edison “It’s broken!” After some thought, the teacher says, “With this Band-Aid though, it’s not broken anymore. See!” And Edison smiles. Thanks to the maker of Band-Aid. Teachers are fixing “breakages”.

The children are allowed to share a mat on the floor and play during their free time. Adam shares a mat with Anton and plays with dinosaurs while Liza shares a mat with Nick and plays with farm animals. Adam, however, tends to “walk” his dinosaur from his mat to that of Liza (who has started complaining about it), so the teacher intervenes and says, “Adam, this is the mat of Liza and Nick and that is your mat with Anton. Where should you be playing?” “At home,” Adam says. Yeah, right.

At five years old:

Teacher: I’m a grandma, too.
Student: No, you’re not.
Teacher: Why do you think so?
Student: Because you don’t walk like this. (She stoops and pretends to walk slowly with a stick.)
Teacher: Well, I don’t have to be very old to be a grandma. Look at Mandy’s grandma, she’s younger than me.
Student: Why? How many are you?
Teacher: You mean, how old I am?
Student: Yeah. How many old are you?

The teacher brings her laptop to class for the first time. Brenda approaches her with her usual big smile and sweet voice, “I like your little computer. It’s a girl computer. My Dad’s computer is big. It’s a boy computer.” Yikes!

Just when I’m about to give up…

Ladybugs, ladybirds, or lady beetles. Whichever name you prefer, they’re the same bug that has fascinated me since I was little. This time, I see how they bring joy to Kindergarten students who pick them up with their tiny fingers or with a leaf and let them crawl all over them during outdoor time. Some giggle as they’re tickled by the bugs while others scream once they feel the sharp spines on the bugs’ legs. If they’re told to put the bugs in the garden, they do so but they hang by the garden tirelessly picking up the bugs and placing them on the flowers (as that’s what they see me do all the time). Instead of enjoying the playground equipment, some children simply stay by the garden as if playing “spot a bug and pick it up”. When a teacher hears “Eew! It peed on me,” it’s time to send someone to wash his/her hands. (This yellow/orange stinky goo is actually blood excreted by the bugs for feeling threatened.)

One day, I thought of using my 58mm close-up lens 500D and taking pictures of the ladybugs so that the children will have photos to enjoy during the long cold winter they will spend mostly indoors. As I take pictures during my break, however, the children shifted their interest to my camera. “Can I see, Miss Lina?” said all the tiny voices. “There’s nothing to see. Just put the ladybugs on the flowers, please,” I lied, of course. So they did, but I ended up with a lot of blurry shots because their hands were either on my shoulders or arms while trying to peek on the LCD screen.





It was time to give up.

During the weekend while preparing my little garden for spring bulbs, I spotted a ladybug on the ground. I picked it up and placed it on a cinquefoil and then ran into the house to get my 100 mm macro lens attached to an extension tube, and my tripod.



I thought that there might be time to set up as this bug wasn’t moving a lot. It was mid-afternoon so there was soft lighting and not a lot of wind. I thought it was perfect. When I got back to my “studio,” however, the bug was nowhere to be found. Oh, no! It was exploring the plant, so I just followed it with my lens. A fascinating sight behind a macro lens, however, was seeing the bug open its hard protective shell called elytra (or forewings), extend its black wings from underneath, and lift its elytra.



Uh-oh… My “model” was going to fly away and leave me. But for some reason, it did not. It simply lowered its elytra and withdrew its wings. Phew! I was able to take more shots this day but as my fingers were getting tired, I decided to use the self-timer. The noise, however, stressed the bug and it lifted its elytra several times to give me some final warnings. I thought the punishment on the bug was enough and I ended the session.

Today, while watering the plants, I noticed a lot of ladybugs on the lawn. It was like seeing tiny orange and red mushrooms that sprouted everywhere overnight. They were easy to spot as they settled at the tip of grass blades. I picked them gently with my big fingers. Whenever they fell on the ground, they quickly climbed back to the tip again (for my convenience, I thought). I picked five or more at a time and kept them in my closed fist while I ran to the backyard where there was no direct sunlight. Just like before, I shoved them on the few blooms in the garden and ran into the house for my macro lens and tripod. I thought that with so many bugs, I wouldn’t run out of models. I also set the objective of this session: to take a photo of a bug in flight or simply with open elytra. The big problem this time, however, was the strong wind which would surely blur the photos. I tried anyway and replaced my models several times after the others flew off. This session took longer than yesterday’s as the bugs stayed under the petals to look for their favourite food: aphids. Once they surfaced, however, they scurried from the tip of one petal to another.



Although I did not tighten the ballhead of my tripod in order to follow the moving bugs, I felt defeated by their speed and the weight of the lens, and slowed down by the manual focusing. Nevertheless, it was again a real pleasure to observe these bugs behind a macro lens. Once they reached the tip of a petal, they raised their forelegs as if in surprise or frustration, or to say “Help!” One bug peeked from under one petal as if it was a scared child lying face down on the glass floor of the Calgary Tower 627 feet above the ground.



The rest simply flew off or climbed down the plant only to climb up again upon reaching the ground and then finally flying off after getting nothing from my little garden.



Then it was time to give up and get myself some aphids for dinner. What’s that again? Oh! I had fish for dinner. I wish ladybugs were edible though. Yum! I did get another shot of one with open elytra. Not the best, but all right for now.

Just kiddin' kindergartners

Jay wasn’t eating his lunch. I asked, “Are you all right, Jay? Why aren’t you eating?” “I’m hurting,” Jay replied. “Your tummy is hurting? What’s hurting?” “My feelings.” “Did someone hurt your feelings?” “No, it just hurted.” Hmmm…

Al wasn't sitting properly, so he was the last to be called to wash his hands to prepare for lunch. I said, "I'll cover my eyes, and you can count to ten. When I open my eyes, you're seated properly." Al started counting: "one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…" He stopped. I suppressed my laughter while imagining his sweet smile. "Oh!" he exclaimed, realizing he got carried away. I opened my eyes and saw his usual sheepish smile. "Go wash your hands, Al. Good counting." (During free time, Al’s favourite act is to turn around and around while counting to a hundred.)

Lester was caught pulling the hair of Al who was busy coloring. Al had never been into any fight before, unlike Lester. Lester was asked to sit in a chair away from Al. Al was comforted and asked, "Why was Lester pulling your hair?" "I don't know." "Did you do anything to him? Why did he get mad?" "He got mad at me because I didn't do anything." Hmmm…

Laughter on the job

Subbing for a pre-K teacher in a day care is not easy considering the developing speech of the children. Here are some examples:

Pamela cried as her Dad was leaving. She came to me and said, "I want bed." "You want a bed? You can lie down over there," I pointed at the corner where there was a mat and pillows. She did lie on the mat and lay her head on a pillow but still continued to cry, "I want bed!" Then it dawned on me, "Oh, you want Dad!"

As I was about to leave the class, some of the kids gave me a hug. Eva said, "I want a bug." "You want a bug?" I asked. She nodded her head, ran to me and gave me a hug. "Oh, you wanted a hug, too!"

It was breakfasttime and Anna stared at the toasts in front of her. She said, "I wa oa me." No, she didn't want "Oh, me!" for there were only three choices for breakfast: toasts, cereals, and oat meal. Now you can guess what she wanted.
25 Jan. 2011

Laugh with kids

In a day care where five-year-old children talk about having "two moms" and/or "two dads" because mom has a second husband and/or dad has a second wife, a four-year-old could get confused. One day while making Christmas cards, for example, a teacher was helping a four-year-old boy write to his dad. "To Dad," the teacher said. The boy was quick to correct her by saying, "No. One Dad. I have one Dad." 25 Jan 2011